15 September 2009
Another lie, i thought you understood when i said i cant take another lie, we actually promised to each other that we would never keep things from each other. we promised that we would tell everything to each other. not those small things tho. but this aint small.
we were destroyed by lies. we met because of we were lied upon. we promised we wont hurt each other by lying. but you lied. whats the point of promising when you know you would break it. what's the point of saying something that you know wont happen. Maybe to you its a small thing cause you have her. but to me, how can it be easy for me when i only have you? but you decide to turn to someone else?
when were you planning to tell me about this? never? until she leaves? what am i? just a rebound? you're never that term to me. you're never my rebound. you were there for me, i was there for you, and to me you taught me a whole new side of love. i shouldnt be this mad, really. i shouldnt, cause i know im not anyone that should be saying this.
im just a friend, a bestfriend, who's deeply in love with you and hopes you would feel the same way to in the future cause you said some things that made me feel this way. Long term reward, remember? i guess not. i guess it doesnt even exist. you made it up, right? just to make me feel better and stops complaining? and make you upset and cause i cry too much?
it would be better if you just told me the truth. i would accept it calmly. but i had to find it out from someone else. why? why did you hurt me like this?
truly hurt and depressed.
08 September 2009
14 July 2009
we had our training at the stadium this afternoon, until around 9.30 pm, thats how we enjoy playing rugby, we lost track of time. im too tired to even describe what happened, ill just let the pictures to the talking, yes? (:
My life would suck without rugby,
only real rugby players know what im talking about,
haha. yeap, i know for sho!
13 July 2009
ukehhh, last i updated was July 1oth, and its July 13th tonight, im actually in the middle of doing research for my assignment, but I NEED A BREAK. so here i am blogging, because i have to update you guys of what i did last weekend, it was supposed to be a great weekend since i spent it with them Knights, my teammates, but theeeeeeeeeeennnnnn, something spoiled it.
I dont know why i hate her so much, its her attitude really, she's texting with my girl's boyfriend, how the hell am i not pissed of that? and ya ada boyfriend lagi tuu! shissshh. and because of another thing jua, i dont wanna hate sebenarnya, really i dont. maybe she's actually nice once i got to know her? but thats the problem, i dont wanna get to know her. cause everytime i see her face, i just feel like my hand is lighter than ever, i feel like slapping her!
relax, he! soo... i spent my saturday night at coach's and TK with them Knights jua, we went home quite late, where i spent the whole journey home sleeping, i think i snored? haha. then Sunday, us, knights, girls and guys, played touch at indoor stadium, on that big tile thingy next to disney on ice stairs? i dont know what to call it, so i call it this.
i think im just blabbing her. eh wait, i have to mention this! me, Nad and Asyraff, palyed the guitar and sing songs, well i know only one song on the guitar so that was the only song i played and singg :/ tapinya Asyraff and Nad did ajar lagu Mcfly - its all about you. AWETHOME! (Y)
hmmm, apa lagii ahhh,, atuuu! pictures will be uploaded sooooooooonnn. sooo manyyy pictures! im going back to assignments now,
chalo chalo!
because you are my heart,
and because you are my soul,
that i love you so much,
ill give up everything,
to see you happy, thats why,
im giving up, us.
cause i know,
i wont be able to give you,
happiness.
10 July 2009
and so, i thought i would keep myself busy to get over the whole thing, and so i started reorganizing my file, keeping my room clean as often as possible, finish my assignments on time, revising, watch series, lots of them. And now im back on Grey's anatomy season 1 and 2, im on season 2 now, disc 2. gosh, lying on this bed all day long is making me feel like i dont have a back anymore, HAHA. but i think its juat another symptom of my once a month friend would come visit me soon. i miss him (: i dont wanna say this, but yes i do miss him. i have another guy to help me get through this but it doesnt seem enough. cause he's always busy working. there's training today, actually as im typing this, but i cant come cause i have no ride, no one can send me to training. which brings me to, "I CANT WAIT TO HAVE MY LICENSE" gosh, even if i do get my license, i wouldnt have any car to drive, i was hoping for mum to agree on buying a second hand cheap car. :D pleease. thats like, on my birthday wish list.last but not least, i just feel like updating this blog, just cause i want to, it will make my day, (NOT), haha, im gonna go back to Grey's now. And i miss them girls. and him too. hugs and kisses,
09 July 2009
I WANT TO HUG YOU REAL BAD.
i know i can never have you,
but at least i still wish.
06 July 2009
My aim from this second is just to forget about my feelings, any of my feelings that i have for this particular boy, haha. We are good now, we had things cleared last night, emphasizing the word bestfriends. Yes, here we are, we both stand, as bestfriends. We had our moments and its over now. We're starting something new, something fresh. As BESTFRIENDS! yes, again, im emphasizing. LOL. i hope ill be ok with it, well i am ok with it now, hehehehhe. i know i can do this.
all i know now is im excited for tomorrow, i cant wait to see them circles, ohhh i miss them so much, i feel like hugging every one of them. so tight! biar sampai lemas. haha, wth am i talking about. snuggles wah i mean, a friendly one, not a corny one. hehe. and i just wish to concentrate more on my studies and rugby as well. and please, i hope this feeling wont get anymore serious, ive had enough tearing up and shits. i wanna smile! I wanna laugh out loud! hehehe.
bah, people, you all gotta help me through this, yes? (:
i gotta get back to studying now, yes, im studying, rusty sudah my brain ani,
a perfectly good heart,
05 July 2009
im sorry, im deeply sorry, i had to do what i did, i know it hurts. But you dont know how its hurting me as well. i just dont want to feel what i felt before, so please, for now, lets just live our own lives. you go your way and ill go mine,
and again, im sorry,
i love you.
when i said, i wont let myself fall for anyone anymore, i mean it. since you made it clear we can only be friends, im giving you what you want. and thanks to this particular person, he has agree to help me get over you, (:
if you still want me, fight for me. if you dont, just let it be. from here ill know how you really feel (:
goodluck.
and i still love you,
04 July 2009
guess what? ive decided, i wont let myself fall for anyone anymore, not anymore. ive had enough, all i gotta now is get rid of this feeling and im done. i can continue living life without a guy, that special guy. ill just have to wait.
i know the time will come, and i will not be going to look for it,
i will just have to wait (:
i am strong,
03 July 2009
i dont think i can continue avoiding him, but i know i gotta be strong. this is what he wanted, i cant think about myself all the time. i have to think about others feelings too, him. i really dont know what to do today, i just hope that i can get through today alone, first. Then ill just have to repeat what i do today everyday after this if its working, i need to play touch, i miss touch, it helps me get my mind off things, but its impossible, cause it will surely remind me of him. shitty much huh.
i think i need to just get away from everything, when i said everything, i mean, everything that doesnt concern school. like, Facebook, (ive deactivated that one), certain people, i think rugby as well, (it will surely help me concentrate more), and especially him.
i dont know how i will start today, i woke up at 7 plus this morning and i forced myself to go back to sleep, and something woke me up around 8 plus and i forced myself to sleep, again. this happens a few times. i did this just to make the time flew faster i dont wanna go online on messenger cause i know he'll be there, i dont wanna appear offline cause i know if i see him online, ill text him. i just cant. i have to cut every strings attached betwwen us. i just have to, in order for me to get rid of this feelings and in order to stop hurting myself. uurrrgghhh,
i need Nunu, she's the only person who can understands me cause we're basically in the same shoes.
i think this is what ill do today, to help me ;
- take my shower, (as long as i could)
- go to the kitchen and eat something (which i plan to eat only sikit since ill be missing training)
- look for old dvds, lots and lots of them, so ill have a dvd marathon, alone, by myself.
by this time, it might be getting late, like around 5 or soo, - then ill continue watching dvds,
- get some dinner
- start doing my assignments
yes, i am working my ass off for this, its for his own good, and mine too , so it wont hurt me that much, (':
i think this might help, cause at least i got a plan (:
and oh, i will blog for more updates, if i manage to stick with my plans or not.
to try as hard as i can,
Syazana.
1. how are you? - im ok, (: 2. who was the last person you hugged? - Bahzi (Y) 3. look to your left, what do you see? - the wall and window. 4. where do you like to be the most? - there :D 5. whats your fave film? - If only, Serendipity, any romantic comedies i guess? 6. what does the last person you commented on facebook mean to you? - she means so much to me, she's a sister and the greatest girlfriend ever!. 7. what did you last laugh about? - it was about tv brunei, with Qushairi. HAHA. 8. where was your default took? - default? im lost? 9. whats the first thing you look for in a girl/guy? - if he cares to care. 10. if your still in school, whats your fave lesson? - PSYCHOLOGY! wait wait, i think its GP! 11. what do you work as / want to work as? - whatever that i can do and make 5 digits salary, which starts with number 2 in front, or more! NYAHAHAHA! 12. do you play video games? if so, which is your fave game? - not really :/ 13. who never fails to make you laugh? - My circle, (: 14. what are you listening to right now? - not listening to anything, 15. who did you last have a sleepover with? - errr. i cant recall. 16. i bet you miss someone, who?! - hahaha, all of them! 17. are you happy with your life right now? - yeaap, i want better pulang, with more money and more love!! 18. why did you last get upset? - sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. 19. who was the last person you texted? - Mama. 20. who do you live with? - familia. 21. do you like living with them? - uhuhhh yeap yeap! (: 22. whats your mood right now on facebook? - biasa jeee. 24. did you realise that there was no 23? - nopee. haha, nice onee. 25. what does your profile song mean to you? - profile song? i have no profile song. 26. who did you last shout at and why? - iina, pasal nyaya me, 27. are you normally a happy person? - yeap! 28. what was the last thing you went to see in the movies and with who? - angel and demons, raqib and dua 29. whats your fave food? - for now, BUTTER SUGAR BREAD TOAST!. 30. are you in love? - yes, deeply in love. 31. do you remember how you was 3 years ago? - yes, i do. 32. if so, does it make you cringe? - haha, no? 33. if you could be with someone right now, who would it be? - him, haahhh~ well if its meant to be then its mean to be. 34. do you have any blogs? - i doooo. 35. whats your fave thing in your room? - my pc, i dont think i can survive without it. 36. is this quiz boring you? - biasa jeee. 37. if you had one wish, what would you wish for? - i dont want to ever know him, its hurting me. 38. when was the last time you lied? - im not sureee. 39. are your lips chapped? - nope. 40. any last words? - the him im referring to, is the same him from beginning to end.
i love our morning texts,
i love our night greets,
i love and love it when you say YAYYERR!
no one says the word RUGGED like you.
i love it when i miss you,
i just love you, (:
this post has got nothing to do with anyone,
i just feel like posting it,
make me feel so cute. haha, useless.
BASS <3
i adoreeeeeee, 
he's even hotter when he's covered in blood.
i want you, mamamia!
haha, i think i have this obession towards him!
ARRR! LOL.
02 July 2009
and so the cases of swine flu or also known as H1N1 virus are getting more serious each day, our school holiday was extended for another week, but as the virus gets more serious, are the government going to extend the holiday again? gosh, i heard from Zura that the cases has rise from 66 to 93, with one death, a 12 year old kid. I didnt know that i would be this scared, i need to get a mask, school is starting soon and i need a mask! a mask people!
i gotta chill :D
*sprays sanitizer everywhere and off i run.
where exactly did i meet him? it was just like any other Sundays, as usual, right after campus, i drive alone to this cafe, i adore the truffles here, so i will buy a hundred grams for BND 3.80 and get myself a can of Ice Apple tea to go with. I have my favourite spot here, next to the window, a single seating table. I spend usually 30 minutes or more sitting here with my novel on my left hand and eating the truffles simultaneously with my right hand. He passed by everyday, except for weekends, where i, myself dont spend time there. but he's just like any other strangers, he sometimes smiles, and sometimes just busy with his phone or something else to even notice me. This happened for 4 months or so
The day i got into a big fight with Adrian, a jerk that i had to call my ex-boyfriend, it was not a school day, and it was Saturday, i didnt usually go to my favourite cafe on weekends, but i just had to, since i needed to get my mind off him. And so, as usual, i ordered a hundred grams of truffle and glass of Ice Apple tea, i didnt have my novel that day, just my laptop. I guessed i would stay longer than usual, using the Wi-fi provided. As i was browsing through my facebook, he passed by, this stranger, but this time, he smiled brightly, walk back and slowly pushed the cafe door, he turned to me and approached me. Pulling out the chair and sat down.
"hi, im Benjamin" he smiled as he take out his hand out of his pocket and shaked mine.
And ill continue again next time (:
i have the mood to take pictures now, of me.
and i think it has something to do with swine :D
Syazana,
01 July 2009
i think im gonna start writing a story, i will go like this, i will keep on writing this book, until i decide of what the ending would be, and this story will have or had nothing to do with anything or anyone i know, i just feel like writing, and soo i will start today (:
Epilogue
I cant help feeling what im feeling tho i know he made it clear that we are just friends. who am i to blame anyway, i spend most of the time with him, not exactly beside him, but basically every free time i have, i have him to talk to, i have him to chat with, on MSN. And if we're not chatting, we'll be talking on the phone until late night. Oh yes, ill never get tired of him. i miss him every second when he's not around. I never thought that he would be the one who i would fall for, before, he was just another stranger on my friends list on this social webpage. and now, all i think about him is to just be with him as long as i can.
chapter 1.
...babe, turn around," he said as i was sleeping facing the other side, instead of facing him him. Then i turned, that face, i adore, i love. Looking at the way he smile, its a wonderful feeling that i cant describe. To just cuddle in his arm, feels so warm and beyond imagination. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks. We stayed like that the whole day until we both fell asleep.
Something woke me up, i think because i was sweating since i was still in his arm, and so i looked at him sleeping, calm. i kissed his cheeks, i smiled. i want that moment to just stay as it is. i never wanted the moment to fade. its too precious, he is too precious.
ill write some more when i get more inspirations, hehe. i dont think this story would go well if i keep on writing lovey dovey stuffs :/ i gotta get a grip of myself!! THINK SYAZ THINK! haha. i think i should go sleep now,
hey you, i miss. (:
i have a new favourite snacks sudah, thanks to Baji! (Y) (Y) two thumbs up for you Baj! haha, i am in loveeee with butter sugar bread toast now. i dont exactly know what its called, but its a bread, toasted, then spread with butter and with sugar sprinkled on top! thus, i came up with butter sugar bread toast! haha. i atee 3 tadii, and just now i made 2 and ate both. the taste inda sama macam yang Baji buatkannn, I WANTTT!! (: haha.
BUTTERR SUGARR BRREAD TOASST! (y)
29 June 2009
This little tiny baby
Was sent from God above
To fill our hearts with happiness
And touch our lives with love
He must have known
We'd give our all
And always do our best
To give our precious baby love
And be grateful and so blessed
i just heard, from a friend, that his baby cousin passed away, he's about 5 years old. i am, a child lover, a baby adorer, it devastates me when i heard about this, knowing that a child that young died. how can the parents live after that? knowing about this alone, made it hard for me to sleep, it keeps me thinking on how would i be handling it, if it were to happen to me one day, here i am, thinking that i have a bad problem and my life suck cause of some lovey dovey feelings, where there are more worst problems like this.
oh gossh, how would i live if i have to let my child go, like that. how can a parent live without the baby mumbling, that gurgly laughs, and giggles, and to cuddle and smell on top of his head which i experienced smell like nothing i can compare, smell of a baby, is the sweetest yet calming scent that can never be match up to anything at all on this earth, nor other planets. i know im in love with babies the first time i saw one, and i get attached to them easily, smile of a baby is precious i tell you, precious.
i really dont want to be in any of the parent shoes, i dont think i can bare losing my child if i were to have one someday, and if i do have some kids, i know ill love them as much as i can love, ill give everything i have to bring them up to be such decent grownups. i will cherish my love to them until i cant love no more, i dont mind if my husband to be cant put up with me, i wont care, as long as i have my kids, shiish, emotional much. i think im gonna damage my keyboard soon if i dont stop crying.
aahh, well. i wish the parents all the luck. and i pray to god, please, let me go first before my loved ones. i cant bare to lose anymore people that i love, i experience too much losses these few years, and i miss them every single day. i just realised that i miss them so much, what an ungrateful girl am i that i dont think of them everyday and doesnt sedekah fatihah to them everyday. i miss my grandpas, especially.
i remember taking care of my grandpa for one whole month that i had to take an early holiday, sleeping at the hospital, feeding him, baring it all when he gets all pissed off. the day he passed away was the day i know everything wont be the same. it was the first day of school. the moment i saw my sister with her tudong picking me up, i knew it was grandpa, i cant bear to face it, i broke down, i cried, i cried all the way to the hospital.
upon arrival at the hospital, there were no more iv attached on grand's hands, that was a bad sign, i knew it. i remembered when he used to bite my hand and tells me that ada jam. that was a joke to us, and i used to want it everytime i come to see him. i remembered sitting on his laps when he did this. he gets mad most of the time, well thats cause he's the greatest grandpa. the moment my mum said "bahh nana," i can see it clearly now, its as if it happened just yesterday, it was hard letting go. i walked slowly to his bed, whispered alfatihah and alikhlas to his ear, i dont really know what to bacakan, and , kiss him for the last time, i paused for so long beside him, i remembered mum or was it my uncle yang asked me to let my little sister go next, i had to let him go.
taking care of him was a bittersweet moments, i got the chance to learn a few words in Belait, and remembered him nodding saying that i was right, giila kalii i miss my grandpa. im missing him too much. i think ill continue this post another time, my eyes wont buka anymore, and i cant breathe well pasal tesumbat hidung due to all this crying :/
Al-Fatihah,
i have a plan,
well no, WE have a plan to be exact,
some will hate me for this,
but lots will be happier,
that matters more,
happiness.
so, bitch.
Get ready to get off our perfect portrait.
sincerely, Syazana.
27 June 2009
should i update? should i? should i? HAHA. im too happy to update, so maybe next time!! :D
26 June 2009
the song "heal the world" the first time i listened to this song was when i was in the physics lab, teacher Amani made us listen to it, cause she want our class to perform it during assembly, the moment i listened to the lyrics, it actually made me shed tears, thats how amazing MJ was, and still is.
That song brought me and my circle together, and we are still together now, may god bless your soul MJ, may you rest in peace.
my back hurts :/
25 June 2009
Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com
a friend, called. saying that he wanted to talk. saying that it was important, and so i cancelled with Raqib, about picking me up from training, and i let this friend, picked me up. i feel bad about not telling raqiib, so i asked to borrow my friend's phone, but then, ya nada credit. and so me and this friend, cruise around brunei, like mad. while me, listening to this IMPORTANT thing that he had to tell me, and made me cancel Raqiib.
this is the important thing that he told me, he knocked up a girl, he actually cried, and i held the steering wheel most of the time, from the passenger seat, yes. unbelievable. he was seriously crying like a baby. doenst wanna be with that girl. i was really uneasy, listening to what he had to say, and at the same time i feel uneasy cause i didnt tell raqiib.
i wish goodluck to him, this friend.i told him i cant help him, cause he has to take the responsibilities on his own, i can only be a friend. what we had was past, and i dont plan to go back to past life. im happy now, happy around my circle. my friends, my loved ones. and so he sent me back home, after spending approximately 1 hour plus in the car.
which, when i got home, i have to spot something that hurt me so much,
well, i bare with it, and took it, accept it, as i am.
post edited due to direct way of telling a serious thing, which may affect certain parties.
i adore people in love, adore them so much. i have so many couples who are in love all around me, to take for an example these two adorable clowns. hahaha. there's never a day passed i didnt laugh so hard if i see them, they just know the exact way to make people around them feel better. they both are obviously in love, i just love the way they act as a couple, especially when i see Waj tying Maza's bootlaces for her, soo cute, even when Maza complains about it being too tight, Waj will still smile, and doesnt complain, but joke about it. (:
adorable i tell you, haha.
im off for training, *hugs hugs*
24 June 2009
i am the kind of person who always manage to put a smile on my face and pretend like nothing is bothering when something really does, ive been doing this since i was born, at least since i really know how to compare between all the rights and wrongs in life, but somehow, sometimes, people just dont get it, they dont know how it goes and tend to not realise when they're hurting someone. it will always be "naah, she'll get over it" well guess what? its not ok all the time, consider please. just once.
i am not talking about any particular someone around here, im just raising my opinion, through experience. it sucks so much when all you wanted to do was make that particular person or group of people feel good, or better. but in the end, all you get is SHIT. A seriously HUMONGOUS SHIT. oh well, thats life right? even how nice and how much good deed you pull off, you'll always get shit in return. i sometimes think that i should stop being nice to people, that i should stop treating so nice, since its all shit i will get at last.
but no, cause ill be just the same like THEM, people who never think before saying anything. and even if i decide to do the same thing, it wont be fair to people who gives the exact opposite of SHIT to me. ahhh, well, i cant change people, they themselves are the only people who are able to do that, i cant blame them for being so shitty. its their fate.
im going back to GG now,
this post has got nothing to do with anyone, either they're not in this world or still settling on. no offense. its a free country, i have rights to all my saying. BAHAAA!
i am officially missing this one girl, whom i love so much whom i love to spend time talking and sharing stuffs with, itsss you!! yeesss you!!
NABEELAH KHALID
sorry i took this without asking, (:
its from your facebook, haha. just feel like making my blog colourful,
yatah i took this instead if the other one that i adore,
besides, green's my favourite colour :D
unbelievable? believe it. im missing you so much girl, i have lots of things to share with you, more than lots actually. we have to go online until late and go skyping together again. i dont care and i dont mind about others, i miss you a lot!
teheee :D i love you babe.
and i owe you an apology.
lets talk (",)
23 June 2009
to hide something and to lie about something to someone you love is sometimes even much more better than telling them and letting them know, which will eventually hurt them.
lies can be no harm, sometimes. Just sometimes. (:
to spend time with someone you love and adore, even if its only for a short while, feels like, heaven. hehe, exaggerating much. no, really. it feels like you can definitely treasure that feeling your whole life. especially when you spend time talking about nothing that make sense and laugh without even knowing what you are laughing at, to be in love, is AWE'TH'OME! for a normal language, awesome!
22 June 2009
finally, i went in, i went throught it, i explore through it, going back to their past life, what they had was special. i should never interfere, am i making a mistake here? this is stupid, this sucks.
he's too much in love with her, im ruining his feeling towards her.
i shouldnt be, i suck, im a ruiner, BIG TIME TERRIBLE LIFE RUINER, feelings especially. you suck syaz, he should think back what they used to have, and beg her back to his side, to be beside him, they will have something special, since they've known each other for a long time anyways.
i regret, i shouldnt, frrruuccck. now i cant sleep, my eyes, its been so long since i felt like this, unable to shut these eyes, HEY! SHUT IT ALREADY. im talking to myself, which is something that doesnt happen jua, unless i... noo, im not. it cant be, oh please dont.
kill me already, stab me in the back, shoot me, bury me alive. please do!
just another plot of a story i have in mind. (:
What if I took my time to love you?
What if I put no one above you?
What if I did the things
That really mattered?
What if I ran through
Hoops of disaster?
No one would care if
We never made it
We're in this alone
So why don't we face it
There is no room to
Blame one another
We just need time to
Forgive each other
[Chorus:]
What about love?
What about feeling?
What about all the things that make life worth living?
What about faith?
What about trust?
And tell me baby...what about us?
How can I give this
Love a new beginning?
How can I stop the rain?
It's never ending
How do I keep my soul believing?
Memories of how we
Should be keep calling
[Chorus]
I'll take the rivers rise
I'll take the happy times
I'll take the moments of disaster
[Chorus]
nothing much happened today, i was woken up by my sister pasal she wants me to company her kemas store (: which i did, and it was a relief to see the store for not being that messy anymore. and thanks to our hard work :D well kami breakfast dulu and cook lunch before starting the heavy work, which was tirinnnnnggggg, we finished around 4 plus? or 5, i think. then i went to watch dvd with my sisters. which i fell asleep on, haha. and woke up around 8 plus,
realising i was sooooo hungrrryyyyyy and there was nothing to eat, then i went online and talk to Bahzi and Raqiib, i complained to Raqib about how hungry i was, and being a sweetheart, he went to buy for me, this nasi katok that i adore from lambak, imagine that, he lives in sg tilong went to lambak and send the nasi to me in mentirii, just to fulfill my appettite, *hugs you qiib. but at the same time, my sister order mr.pizza, so im more than full now. HAHA.
gosh, my head is spinning around like crazyy, and my back hurts, my neck as well. and not to forget my kneee, my kakii, ngiluuu ani wahh. im having hard times everytime turun tangga, like seriouslyy. i guess its a permanent damage after all :( and nowwww im talking to Raqiib, my all time bestt buddy whom i love so very much. heeee. ya kan sleep dimosque lagii, boring tah me nii, kejap lagi kali ya jalann. we're sharing songs now, more like me giving him my songs for him to listen to. hehe.
well, thats all for tonight, ill update more tomorrow! if im not tired,
goodnight,, <3
21 June 2009
its time for an update. i havent been updating you people about what has been going on and stuffs. well im lazy, and im getting lazier every single day, my kaki sakit, my knee especially, i can barely run like before. every training i have to force myself to run. its hurting too much, i need physiotherapy. that wave thingy whatever that max and kama told me i need.
other than my kaki's case, Raqib has been helping me a lot, (: he picked me up from training and for training, (: thanks Raqiib, you mean so much to me. i dont know how the hell im gonna go to training and balik training without you. and i always talk to you online lately, but you have this thing that you have to go sleep arah mosque for 3 days, im bored, without you. you were suppose to be back by now, but i cant see you online, you're prolly sleeping on your cosy bed, since you told me you had to sleep on the floor masa di mosque, i dont blame you,, i myself will complain much if i have to sleep on the floor. I MISS YOU (:
whats the other thing that i need to update? oh yes, i went out with this friend of mine (: whom, ive been missing for the past 5 months, we finally had some times catching up with each other's life. i miss you, buddy. i wish to see you again. sometime soon (: things has been hard for the both of us, but i promise you we both can make it through. As long as we're beside each other. FRIENDS <3
and and, yes, ive been saying that im missing people. awuu banarrr i miss lots of people, especially this one person, who i talk to when im down and all, and she barely go online nowadays, i think she's keeping herself busy kalii. HEY YOU, if you're reading, i miss you. i miss skyping with you.. i dont have credit to text you, so, text me on msn!!
i think thats that for tonight, ill try to update as always as possible, nyaaha. (: Raqib's home! ima go talk to him now.
<3
23 May 2009
commitment = an agreement or pledge to do something in the future,
this is one definition i found online, yes, commitment is like a promise, i think im ready to pledge on commitment, well i know that im far more than ready, too young too commit? nope, never too young to commit, ive started thinking about commitment, two years ago, when i met this guy and when i thought everything was perfect, but then i was wrong when he started to treat me like ****.
i dont think i ever been afraid to commit, i take commitment as a challenge and as one of the test on life, what is life without tests? why are people afraid to commit? i never understand this fact, and as much as i want to understand, i will never do. rushing? nope, not at all, i dont understand why most people take relationship as something that they think its part of things that they do for fun in life. that is totally wrong, especially when you get someone to really fall for you. if you dont want to commit, make it clear at the first place, dont say the word LOVE.
to be in a relationship is wonderful, really. to have someone to talk to everyday, and getting to know new facts about each other every day is great, awesome. to have someone that understands you and to have an opposite gender to talk about and share everything with. these things you can do with your bestfriends? of course you can, but in a relationship, its something, there's this more than love feeling. i dont know how to describe love, much really. but you guys know what i mean.
my age is too youung to commit? noo, not at all, i take for example, my sister and her fiance-to-be, they've been in a relationship for 9 years, and are getting engaged next sunday, 31st May, 2009. and getting married end of this year, on the day of their anniversarry, they've been together since their teenage years, if im not mistaken my sister was 17 at that time, see. this shows that age is not a matter if you want to commit.
i want to be in a relationship, i want to commit, i wanna make that particular person that can love me feel special, feels like its worth it to live in this world and feel loved. i know i wont hurt him, i know i will make him feel special, treat him as nice as a person can be treated and cherish his life as much as i can. life is short, people. lets say, you only have time to live until the next day, when will you have the chance to experience all these? life is all about trying things, give it a try and give your all into it. commitment is healthy, commitment is wonderful.
live your life like its your last day.
Syazana.
12 May 2009
my favourite and chubbiest yet has the most amazing voice ever, and plays the guitar like a rockstar cousin, haha. enjoy watching him, doing his thang!
and he made me listened to this song over and over agaain.
Syazana,
05 May 2009
people make mistake. i make mistake.
was it a mistake telling you how im feeling,
cause this is hard, i shouldve just avoid telling you,
i shouldve just listen to what my heart told me,
but i was too much in love to listen,
and now, im in love with you,
i fell, i fell deep, hold on,
im falling is the right phrase,
im falling deep, baby i love you,
this is hard, not being in a relationship with you is hard,
its just not enough, i know you said you love me, and all,
its just not enough.
ive been lying to myself,
ive been lying to you,
saying that its ok to not be in a relationship,
to just have you as my bestfriend,
well, its not ok. it will never be,
cause i want you more than this.
tonight, crying alone for hours taught me something,
in some parts of life,
you just ought to be alone,
to be just by yourself.
just another poem of mine,
love B.
04 May 2009
dear wish fairy, please hear me,
i've been longing to fly.
i never really wish this as strong before,
but wish fairy dear, i need to fly now,
as my love is in need of me.
in need of my touch,
in need of my hugs,
please wish fairy, please,
spare me some of those flying dust of yours,
and let me spread these wings,
then teach me to fly.
as my love is in need of me,
i want to be there for my love,
to cherish my love, and stop my love from being so blue,
please wish fairy, please,
my wish is to fly.
Love B.
03 May 2009
to just take things easy,
this feeling will never change as this is what im taking,
this feeling will still grow as how it grows every single day,
this feeling wont fade even if you decide to walk out from me.
having to see you everyday will be a miracle,
having to hug you every time i want to will be wonderful,
having to have you love me more than i do will be great,
having to have you thinking about me and care for me, will surely be amazing.
cause you're the most amazing person ive ever met,
with all these divine behaviours that i adore,
with this pleasant way of calming me down with your words,
with that pleasing smile you have.
and this is cause i love you,
and i love you more,
and i love you farther,
and i love you deeper,
each and every day.
truly Syazana,
especially for you.
B.
30 April 2009
Lovey dovey, cheesy, cranky, hearty, whatever you wanna call it, thats me. i tend to pour every bits of my feelings, to anyone. but mostly to them girls, and to the person i love, and adore. and here's a poem i made, NYAHAHAHAHA! well i was in Geo class, and we were told to finish this one tasksheet, which i finished early in the morning right before registration, and so i was jobless, this came out of it (;
picking up the phone, listening to you sobbing,
my hearts drops as i was feeling this,
the strong connection i have felt before,
the difference now its pressing, deep inside its immersing,
for so long, wanting it so bad, its feels so real this bliss,
but no, my mind says, no more, no more, no more.
wanting to avoid this, i tried real hard,
i cant bare to be hurt again, no please,
and so you convince me by telling me this,
you cant leave it being disregard no baby please,
its chemistry we're feeling, im convinced,
cause im feeling this too, this love breeze,
the best thing we ought to do now, is,
take things slow so forever we'll be,
this cherriness, happiness, lightheartedness,
and so with you i fly, through the wind wiz,
with nothing coming between us, we're like bumble bee,
soaring, trying to live this life, with all these crazy tests.
oh please pamper me with your love,
take the train ride with me to love town,
shower me with precious things, even dove,
no dont, ever please let me down.
i wont cheat on you, i wont leave you, please do the same too,
stay with me, along these straight paths or even bends,
i will too, as long as i live, cause i love you,
all in all, comes to conclusion, cause we are bestfriends!
haha, suckyy? haha.
sampai sini saja, i need my rest,
i love B.
;;
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