29 June 2009
This little tiny baby
Was sent from God above
To fill our hearts with happiness
And touch our lives with love
He must have known
We'd give our all
And always do our best
To give our precious baby love
And be grateful and so blessed
i just heard, from a friend, that his baby cousin passed away, he's about 5 years old. i am, a child lover, a baby adorer, it devastates me when i heard about this, knowing that a child that young died. how can the parents live after that? knowing about this alone, made it hard for me to sleep, it keeps me thinking on how would i be handling it, if it were to happen to me one day, here i am, thinking that i have a bad problem and my life suck cause of some lovey dovey feelings, where there are more worst problems like this.
oh gossh, how would i live if i have to let my child go, like that. how can a parent live without the baby mumbling, that gurgly laughs, and giggles, and to cuddle and smell on top of his head which i experienced smell like nothing i can compare, smell of a baby, is the sweetest yet calming scent that can never be match up to anything at all on this earth, nor other planets. i know im in love with babies the first time i saw one, and i get attached to them easily, smile of a baby is precious i tell you, precious.
i really dont want to be in any of the parent shoes, i dont think i can bare losing my child if i were to have one someday, and if i do have some kids, i know ill love them as much as i can love, ill give everything i have to bring them up to be such decent grownups. i will cherish my love to them until i cant love no more, i dont mind if my husband to be cant put up with me, i wont care, as long as i have my kids, shiish, emotional much. i think im gonna damage my keyboard soon if i dont stop crying.
aahh, well. i wish the parents all the luck. and i pray to god, please, let me go first before my loved ones. i cant bare to lose anymore people that i love, i experience too much losses these few years, and i miss them every single day. i just realised that i miss them so much, what an ungrateful girl am i that i dont think of them everyday and doesnt sedekah fatihah to them everyday. i miss my grandpas, especially.
i remember taking care of my grandpa for one whole month that i had to take an early holiday, sleeping at the hospital, feeding him, baring it all when he gets all pissed off. the day he passed away was the day i know everything wont be the same. it was the first day of school. the moment i saw my sister with her tudong picking me up, i knew it was grandpa, i cant bear to face it, i broke down, i cried, i cried all the way to the hospital.
upon arrival at the hospital, there were no more iv attached on grand's hands, that was a bad sign, i knew it. i remembered when he used to bite my hand and tells me that ada jam. that was a joke to us, and i used to want it everytime i come to see him. i remembered sitting on his laps when he did this. he gets mad most of the time, well thats cause he's the greatest grandpa. the moment my mum said "bahh nana," i can see it clearly now, its as if it happened just yesterday, it was hard letting go. i walked slowly to his bed, whispered alfatihah and alikhlas to his ear, i dont really know what to bacakan, and , kiss him for the last time, i paused for so long beside him, i remembered mum or was it my uncle yang asked me to let my little sister go next, i had to let him go.
taking care of him was a bittersweet moments, i got the chance to learn a few words in Belait, and remembered him nodding saying that i was right, giila kalii i miss my grandpa. im missing him too much. i think ill continue this post another time, my eyes wont buka anymore, and i cant breathe well pasal tesumbat hidung due to all this crying :/
Al-Fatihah,
i have a plan,
well no, WE have a plan to be exact,
some will hate me for this,
but lots will be happier,
that matters more,
happiness.
so, bitch.
Get ready to get off our perfect portrait.
sincerely, Syazana.
27 June 2009
should i update? should i? should i? HAHA. im too happy to update, so maybe next time!! :D
26 June 2009
the song "heal the world" the first time i listened to this song was when i was in the physics lab, teacher Amani made us listen to it, cause she want our class to perform it during assembly, the moment i listened to the lyrics, it actually made me shed tears, thats how amazing MJ was, and still is.
That song brought me and my circle together, and we are still together now, may god bless your soul MJ, may you rest in peace.
my back hurts :/
25 June 2009
Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com
a friend, called. saying that he wanted to talk. saying that it was important, and so i cancelled with Raqib, about picking me up from training, and i let this friend, picked me up. i feel bad about not telling raqiib, so i asked to borrow my friend's phone, but then, ya nada credit. and so me and this friend, cruise around brunei, like mad. while me, listening to this IMPORTANT thing that he had to tell me, and made me cancel Raqiib.
this is the important thing that he told me, he knocked up a girl, he actually cried, and i held the steering wheel most of the time, from the passenger seat, yes. unbelievable. he was seriously crying like a baby. doenst wanna be with that girl. i was really uneasy, listening to what he had to say, and at the same time i feel uneasy cause i didnt tell raqiib.
i wish goodluck to him, this friend.i told him i cant help him, cause he has to take the responsibilities on his own, i can only be a friend. what we had was past, and i dont plan to go back to past life. im happy now, happy around my circle. my friends, my loved ones. and so he sent me back home, after spending approximately 1 hour plus in the car.
which, when i got home, i have to spot something that hurt me so much,
well, i bare with it, and took it, accept it, as i am.
post edited due to direct way of telling a serious thing, which may affect certain parties.
i adore people in love, adore them so much. i have so many couples who are in love all around me, to take for an example these two adorable clowns. hahaha. there's never a day passed i didnt laugh so hard if i see them, they just know the exact way to make people around them feel better. they both are obviously in love, i just love the way they act as a couple, especially when i see Waj tying Maza's bootlaces for her, soo cute, even when Maza complains about it being too tight, Waj will still smile, and doesnt complain, but joke about it. (:
adorable i tell you, haha.
im off for training, *hugs hugs*
24 June 2009
i am the kind of person who always manage to put a smile on my face and pretend like nothing is bothering when something really does, ive been doing this since i was born, at least since i really know how to compare between all the rights and wrongs in life, but somehow, sometimes, people just dont get it, they dont know how it goes and tend to not realise when they're hurting someone. it will always be "naah, she'll get over it" well guess what? its not ok all the time, consider please. just once.
i am not talking about any particular someone around here, im just raising my opinion, through experience. it sucks so much when all you wanted to do was make that particular person or group of people feel good, or better. but in the end, all you get is SHIT. A seriously HUMONGOUS SHIT. oh well, thats life right? even how nice and how much good deed you pull off, you'll always get shit in return. i sometimes think that i should stop being nice to people, that i should stop treating so nice, since its all shit i will get at last.
but no, cause ill be just the same like THEM, people who never think before saying anything. and even if i decide to do the same thing, it wont be fair to people who gives the exact opposite of SHIT to me. ahhh, well, i cant change people, they themselves are the only people who are able to do that, i cant blame them for being so shitty. its their fate.
im going back to GG now,
this post has got nothing to do with anyone, either they're not in this world or still settling on. no offense. its a free country, i have rights to all my saying. BAHAAA!
i am officially missing this one girl, whom i love so much whom i love to spend time talking and sharing stuffs with, itsss you!! yeesss you!!
NABEELAH KHALID
sorry i took this without asking, (:
its from your facebook, haha. just feel like making my blog colourful,
yatah i took this instead if the other one that i adore,
besides, green's my favourite colour :D
unbelievable? believe it. im missing you so much girl, i have lots of things to share with you, more than lots actually. we have to go online until late and go skyping together again. i dont care and i dont mind about others, i miss you a lot!
teheee :D i love you babe.
and i owe you an apology.
lets talk (",)
23 June 2009
to hide something and to lie about something to someone you love is sometimes even much more better than telling them and letting them know, which will eventually hurt them.
lies can be no harm, sometimes. Just sometimes. (:
to spend time with someone you love and adore, even if its only for a short while, feels like, heaven. hehe, exaggerating much. no, really. it feels like you can definitely treasure that feeling your whole life. especially when you spend time talking about nothing that make sense and laugh without even knowing what you are laughing at, to be in love, is AWE'TH'OME! for a normal language, awesome!
22 June 2009
finally, i went in, i went throught it, i explore through it, going back to their past life, what they had was special. i should never interfere, am i making a mistake here? this is stupid, this sucks.
he's too much in love with her, im ruining his feeling towards her.
i shouldnt be, i suck, im a ruiner, BIG TIME TERRIBLE LIFE RUINER, feelings especially. you suck syaz, he should think back what they used to have, and beg her back to his side, to be beside him, they will have something special, since they've known each other for a long time anyways.
i regret, i shouldnt, frrruuccck. now i cant sleep, my eyes, its been so long since i felt like this, unable to shut these eyes, HEY! SHUT IT ALREADY. im talking to myself, which is something that doesnt happen jua, unless i... noo, im not. it cant be, oh please dont.
kill me already, stab me in the back, shoot me, bury me alive. please do!
just another plot of a story i have in mind. (:
What if I took my time to love you?
What if I put no one above you?
What if I did the things
That really mattered?
What if I ran through
Hoops of disaster?
No one would care if
We never made it
We're in this alone
So why don't we face it
There is no room to
Blame one another
We just need time to
Forgive each other
[Chorus:]
What about love?
What about feeling?
What about all the things that make life worth living?
What about faith?
What about trust?
And tell me baby...what about us?
How can I give this
Love a new beginning?
How can I stop the rain?
It's never ending
How do I keep my soul believing?
Memories of how we
Should be keep calling
[Chorus]
I'll take the rivers rise
I'll take the happy times
I'll take the moments of disaster
[Chorus]
nothing much happened today, i was woken up by my sister pasal she wants me to company her kemas store (: which i did, and it was a relief to see the store for not being that messy anymore. and thanks to our hard work :D well kami breakfast dulu and cook lunch before starting the heavy work, which was tirinnnnnggggg, we finished around 4 plus? or 5, i think. then i went to watch dvd with my sisters. which i fell asleep on, haha. and woke up around 8 plus,
realising i was sooooo hungrrryyyyyy and there was nothing to eat, then i went online and talk to Bahzi and Raqiib, i complained to Raqib about how hungry i was, and being a sweetheart, he went to buy for me, this nasi katok that i adore from lambak, imagine that, he lives in sg tilong went to lambak and send the nasi to me in mentirii, just to fulfill my appettite, *hugs you qiib. but at the same time, my sister order mr.pizza, so im more than full now. HAHA.
gosh, my head is spinning around like crazyy, and my back hurts, my neck as well. and not to forget my kneee, my kakii, ngiluuu ani wahh. im having hard times everytime turun tangga, like seriouslyy. i guess its a permanent damage after all :( and nowwww im talking to Raqiib, my all time bestt buddy whom i love so very much. heeee. ya kan sleep dimosque lagii, boring tah me nii, kejap lagi kali ya jalann. we're sharing songs now, more like me giving him my songs for him to listen to. hehe.
well, thats all for tonight, ill update more tomorrow! if im not tired,
goodnight,, <3
21 June 2009
its time for an update. i havent been updating you people about what has been going on and stuffs. well im lazy, and im getting lazier every single day, my kaki sakit, my knee especially, i can barely run like before. every training i have to force myself to run. its hurting too much, i need physiotherapy. that wave thingy whatever that max and kama told me i need.
other than my kaki's case, Raqib has been helping me a lot, (: he picked me up from training and for training, (: thanks Raqiib, you mean so much to me. i dont know how the hell im gonna go to training and balik training without you. and i always talk to you online lately, but you have this thing that you have to go sleep arah mosque for 3 days, im bored, without you. you were suppose to be back by now, but i cant see you online, you're prolly sleeping on your cosy bed, since you told me you had to sleep on the floor masa di mosque, i dont blame you,, i myself will complain much if i have to sleep on the floor. I MISS YOU (:
whats the other thing that i need to update? oh yes, i went out with this friend of mine (: whom, ive been missing for the past 5 months, we finally had some times catching up with each other's life. i miss you, buddy. i wish to see you again. sometime soon (: things has been hard for the both of us, but i promise you we both can make it through. As long as we're beside each other. FRIENDS <3
and and, yes, ive been saying that im missing people. awuu banarrr i miss lots of people, especially this one person, who i talk to when im down and all, and she barely go online nowadays, i think she's keeping herself busy kalii. HEY YOU, if you're reading, i miss you. i miss skyping with you.. i dont have credit to text you, so, text me on msn!!
i think thats that for tonight, ill try to update as always as possible, nyaaha. (: Raqib's home! ima go talk to him now.
<3
;;
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
