14 July 2009
we had our training at the stadium this afternoon, until around 9.30 pm, thats how we enjoy playing rugby, we lost track of time. im too tired to even describe what happened, ill just let the pictures to the talking, yes? (:
My life would suck without rugby,
only real rugby players know what im talking about,
haha. yeap, i know for sho!
13 July 2009
ukehhh, last i updated was July 1oth, and its July 13th tonight, im actually in the middle of doing research for my assignment, but I NEED A BREAK. so here i am blogging, because i have to update you guys of what i did last weekend, it was supposed to be a great weekend since i spent it with them Knights, my teammates, but theeeeeeeeeeennnnnn, something spoiled it.
I dont know why i hate her so much, its her attitude really, she's texting with my girl's boyfriend, how the hell am i not pissed of that? and ya ada boyfriend lagi tuu! shissshh. and because of another thing jua, i dont wanna hate sebenarnya, really i dont. maybe she's actually nice once i got to know her? but thats the problem, i dont wanna get to know her. cause everytime i see her face, i just feel like my hand is lighter than ever, i feel like slapping her!
relax, he! soo... i spent my saturday night at coach's and TK with them Knights jua, we went home quite late, where i spent the whole journey home sleeping, i think i snored? haha. then Sunday, us, knights, girls and guys, played touch at indoor stadium, on that big tile thingy next to disney on ice stairs? i dont know what to call it, so i call it this.
i think im just blabbing her. eh wait, i have to mention this! me, Nad and Asyraff, palyed the guitar and sing songs, well i know only one song on the guitar so that was the only song i played and singg :/ tapinya Asyraff and Nad did ajar lagu Mcfly - its all about you. AWETHOME! (Y)
hmmm, apa lagii ahhh,, atuuu! pictures will be uploaded sooooooooonnn. sooo manyyy pictures! im going back to assignments now,
chalo chalo!
because you are my heart,
and because you are my soul,
that i love you so much,
ill give up everything,
to see you happy, thats why,
im giving up, us.
cause i know,
i wont be able to give you,
happiness.
10 July 2009
and so, i thought i would keep myself busy to get over the whole thing, and so i started reorganizing my file, keeping my room clean as often as possible, finish my assignments on time, revising, watch series, lots of them. And now im back on Grey's anatomy season 1 and 2, im on season 2 now, disc 2. gosh, lying on this bed all day long is making me feel like i dont have a back anymore, HAHA. but i think its juat another symptom of my once a month friend would come visit me soon. i miss him (: i dont wanna say this, but yes i do miss him. i have another guy to help me get through this but it doesnt seem enough. cause he's always busy working. there's training today, actually as im typing this, but i cant come cause i have no ride, no one can send me to training. which brings me to, "I CANT WAIT TO HAVE MY LICENSE" gosh, even if i do get my license, i wouldnt have any car to drive, i was hoping for mum to agree on buying a second hand cheap car. :D pleease. thats like, on my birthday wish list.last but not least, i just feel like updating this blog, just cause i want to, it will make my day, (NOT), haha, im gonna go back to Grey's now. And i miss them girls. and him too. hugs and kisses,
09 July 2009
I WANT TO HUG YOU REAL BAD.
i know i can never have you,
but at least i still wish.
06 July 2009
My aim from this second is just to forget about my feelings, any of my feelings that i have for this particular boy, haha. We are good now, we had things cleared last night, emphasizing the word bestfriends. Yes, here we are, we both stand, as bestfriends. We had our moments and its over now. We're starting something new, something fresh. As BESTFRIENDS! yes, again, im emphasizing. LOL. i hope ill be ok with it, well i am ok with it now, hehehehhe. i know i can do this.
all i know now is im excited for tomorrow, i cant wait to see them circles, ohhh i miss them so much, i feel like hugging every one of them. so tight! biar sampai lemas. haha, wth am i talking about. snuggles wah i mean, a friendly one, not a corny one. hehe. and i just wish to concentrate more on my studies and rugby as well. and please, i hope this feeling wont get anymore serious, ive had enough tearing up and shits. i wanna smile! I wanna laugh out loud! hehehe.
bah, people, you all gotta help me through this, yes? (:
i gotta get back to studying now, yes, im studying, rusty sudah my brain ani,
a perfectly good heart,
05 July 2009
im sorry, im deeply sorry, i had to do what i did, i know it hurts. But you dont know how its hurting me as well. i just dont want to feel what i felt before, so please, for now, lets just live our own lives. you go your way and ill go mine,
and again, im sorry,
i love you.
when i said, i wont let myself fall for anyone anymore, i mean it. since you made it clear we can only be friends, im giving you what you want. and thanks to this particular person, he has agree to help me get over you, (:
if you still want me, fight for me. if you dont, just let it be. from here ill know how you really feel (:
goodluck.
and i still love you,
04 July 2009
guess what? ive decided, i wont let myself fall for anyone anymore, not anymore. ive had enough, all i gotta now is get rid of this feeling and im done. i can continue living life without a guy, that special guy. ill just have to wait.
i know the time will come, and i will not be going to look for it,
i will just have to wait (:
i am strong,
03 July 2009
i dont think i can continue avoiding him, but i know i gotta be strong. this is what he wanted, i cant think about myself all the time. i have to think about others feelings too, him. i really dont know what to do today, i just hope that i can get through today alone, first. Then ill just have to repeat what i do today everyday after this if its working, i need to play touch, i miss touch, it helps me get my mind off things, but its impossible, cause it will surely remind me of him. shitty much huh.
i think i need to just get away from everything, when i said everything, i mean, everything that doesnt concern school. like, Facebook, (ive deactivated that one), certain people, i think rugby as well, (it will surely help me concentrate more), and especially him.
i dont know how i will start today, i woke up at 7 plus this morning and i forced myself to go back to sleep, and something woke me up around 8 plus and i forced myself to sleep, again. this happens a few times. i did this just to make the time flew faster i dont wanna go online on messenger cause i know he'll be there, i dont wanna appear offline cause i know if i see him online, ill text him. i just cant. i have to cut every strings attached betwwen us. i just have to, in order for me to get rid of this feelings and in order to stop hurting myself. uurrrgghhh,
i need Nunu, she's the only person who can understands me cause we're basically in the same shoes.
i think this is what ill do today, to help me ;
- take my shower, (as long as i could)
- go to the kitchen and eat something (which i plan to eat only sikit since ill be missing training)
- look for old dvds, lots and lots of them, so ill have a dvd marathon, alone, by myself.
by this time, it might be getting late, like around 5 or soo, - then ill continue watching dvds,
- get some dinner
- start doing my assignments
yes, i am working my ass off for this, its for his own good, and mine too , so it wont hurt me that much, (':
i think this might help, cause at least i got a plan (:
and oh, i will blog for more updates, if i manage to stick with my plans or not.
to try as hard as i can,
Syazana.
1. how are you? - im ok, (: 2. who was the last person you hugged? - Bahzi (Y) 3. look to your left, what do you see? - the wall and window. 4. where do you like to be the most? - there :D 5. whats your fave film? - If only, Serendipity, any romantic comedies i guess? 6. what does the last person you commented on facebook mean to you? - she means so much to me, she's a sister and the greatest girlfriend ever!. 7. what did you last laugh about? - it was about tv brunei, with Qushairi. HAHA. 8. where was your default took? - default? im lost? 9. whats the first thing you look for in a girl/guy? - if he cares to care. 10. if your still in school, whats your fave lesson? - PSYCHOLOGY! wait wait, i think its GP! 11. what do you work as / want to work as? - whatever that i can do and make 5 digits salary, which starts with number 2 in front, or more! NYAHAHAHA! 12. do you play video games? if so, which is your fave game? - not really :/ 13. who never fails to make you laugh? - My circle, (: 14. what are you listening to right now? - not listening to anything, 15. who did you last have a sleepover with? - errr. i cant recall. 16. i bet you miss someone, who?! - hahaha, all of them! 17. are you happy with your life right now? - yeaap, i want better pulang, with more money and more love!! 18. why did you last get upset? - sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. 19. who was the last person you texted? - Mama. 20. who do you live with? - familia. 21. do you like living with them? - uhuhhh yeap yeap! (: 22. whats your mood right now on facebook? - biasa jeee. 24. did you realise that there was no 23? - nopee. haha, nice onee. 25. what does your profile song mean to you? - profile song? i have no profile song. 26. who did you last shout at and why? - iina, pasal nyaya me, 27. are you normally a happy person? - yeap! 28. what was the last thing you went to see in the movies and with who? - angel and demons, raqib and dua 29. whats your fave food? - for now, BUTTER SUGAR BREAD TOAST!. 30. are you in love? - yes, deeply in love. 31. do you remember how you was 3 years ago? - yes, i do. 32. if so, does it make you cringe? - haha, no? 33. if you could be with someone right now, who would it be? - him, haahhh~ well if its meant to be then its mean to be. 34. do you have any blogs? - i doooo. 35. whats your fave thing in your room? - my pc, i dont think i can survive without it. 36. is this quiz boring you? - biasa jeee. 37. if you had one wish, what would you wish for? - i dont want to ever know him, its hurting me. 38. when was the last time you lied? - im not sureee. 39. are your lips chapped? - nope. 40. any last words? - the him im referring to, is the same him from beginning to end.
i love our morning texts,
i love our night greets,
i love and love it when you say YAYYERR!
no one says the word RUGGED like you.
i love it when i miss you,
i just love you, (:
this post has got nothing to do with anyone,
i just feel like posting it,
make me feel so cute. haha, useless.
BASS <3
i adoreeeeeee, 
he's even hotter when he's covered in blood.
i want you, mamamia!
haha, i think i have this obession towards him!
ARRR! LOL.
02 July 2009
and so the cases of swine flu or also known as H1N1 virus are getting more serious each day, our school holiday was extended for another week, but as the virus gets more serious, are the government going to extend the holiday again? gosh, i heard from Zura that the cases has rise from 66 to 93, with one death, a 12 year old kid. I didnt know that i would be this scared, i need to get a mask, school is starting soon and i need a mask! a mask people!
i gotta chill :D
*sprays sanitizer everywhere and off i run.
where exactly did i meet him? it was just like any other Sundays, as usual, right after campus, i drive alone to this cafe, i adore the truffles here, so i will buy a hundred grams for BND 3.80 and get myself a can of Ice Apple tea to go with. I have my favourite spot here, next to the window, a single seating table. I spend usually 30 minutes or more sitting here with my novel on my left hand and eating the truffles simultaneously with my right hand. He passed by everyday, except for weekends, where i, myself dont spend time there. but he's just like any other strangers, he sometimes smiles, and sometimes just busy with his phone or something else to even notice me. This happened for 4 months or so
The day i got into a big fight with Adrian, a jerk that i had to call my ex-boyfriend, it was not a school day, and it was Saturday, i didnt usually go to my favourite cafe on weekends, but i just had to, since i needed to get my mind off him. And so, as usual, i ordered a hundred grams of truffle and glass of Ice Apple tea, i didnt have my novel that day, just my laptop. I guessed i would stay longer than usual, using the Wi-fi provided. As i was browsing through my facebook, he passed by, this stranger, but this time, he smiled brightly, walk back and slowly pushed the cafe door, he turned to me and approached me. Pulling out the chair and sat down.
"hi, im Benjamin" he smiled as he take out his hand out of his pocket and shaked mine.
And ill continue again next time (:
i have the mood to take pictures now, of me.
and i think it has something to do with swine :D
Syazana,
01 July 2009
i think im gonna start writing a story, i will go like this, i will keep on writing this book, until i decide of what the ending would be, and this story will have or had nothing to do with anything or anyone i know, i just feel like writing, and soo i will start today (:
Epilogue
I cant help feeling what im feeling tho i know he made it clear that we are just friends. who am i to blame anyway, i spend most of the time with him, not exactly beside him, but basically every free time i have, i have him to talk to, i have him to chat with, on MSN. And if we're not chatting, we'll be talking on the phone until late night. Oh yes, ill never get tired of him. i miss him every second when he's not around. I never thought that he would be the one who i would fall for, before, he was just another stranger on my friends list on this social webpage. and now, all i think about him is to just be with him as long as i can.
chapter 1.
...babe, turn around," he said as i was sleeping facing the other side, instead of facing him him. Then i turned, that face, i adore, i love. Looking at the way he smile, its a wonderful feeling that i cant describe. To just cuddle in his arm, feels so warm and beyond imagination. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks. We stayed like that the whole day until we both fell asleep.
Something woke me up, i think because i was sweating since i was still in his arm, and so i looked at him sleeping, calm. i kissed his cheeks, i smiled. i want that moment to just stay as it is. i never wanted the moment to fade. its too precious, he is too precious.
ill write some more when i get more inspirations, hehe. i dont think this story would go well if i keep on writing lovey dovey stuffs :/ i gotta get a grip of myself!! THINK SYAZ THINK! haha. i think i should go sleep now,
hey you, i miss. (:
i have a new favourite snacks sudah, thanks to Baji! (Y) (Y) two thumbs up for you Baj! haha, i am in loveeee with butter sugar bread toast now. i dont exactly know what its called, but its a bread, toasted, then spread with butter and with sugar sprinkled on top! thus, i came up with butter sugar bread toast! haha. i atee 3 tadii, and just now i made 2 and ate both. the taste inda sama macam yang Baji buatkannn, I WANTTT!! (: haha.
BUTTERR SUGARR BRREAD TOASST! (y)
;;
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
