15 September 2009

Another lie, i thought you understood when i said i cant take another lie, we actually promised to each other that we would never keep things from each other. we promised that we would tell everything to each other. not those small things tho. but this aint small.

we were destroyed by lies. we met because of we were lied upon. we promised we wont hurt each other by lying. but you lied. whats the point of promising when you know you would break it. what's the point of saying something that you know wont happen. Maybe to you its a small thing cause you have her. but to me, how can it be easy for me when i only have you? but you decide to turn to someone else?

when were you planning to tell me about this? never? until she leaves? what am i? just a rebound? you're never that term to me. you're never my rebound. you were there for me, i was there for you, and to me you taught me a whole new side of love. i shouldnt be this mad, really. i shouldnt, cause i know im not anyone that should be saying this.

im just a friend, a bestfriend, who's deeply in love with you and hopes you would feel the same way to in the future cause you said some things that made me feel this way. Long term reward, remember? i guess not. i guess it doesnt even exist. you made it up, right? just to make me feel better and stops complaining? and make you upset and cause i cry too much?

it would be better if you just told me the truth. i would accept it calmly. but i had to find it out from someone else. why? why did you hurt me like this?

truly hurt and depressed.

08 September 2009


14 July 2009


we had our training at the stadium this afternoon, until around 9.30 pm, thats how we enjoy playing rugby, we lost track of time. im too tired to even describe what happened, ill just let the pictures to the talking, yes? (:

My life would suck without rugby,
only real rugby players know what im talking about,
haha. yeap, i know for sho!

13 July 2009

ukehhh, last i updated was July 1oth, and its July 13th tonight, im actually in the middle of doing research for my assignment, but I NEED A BREAK. so here i am blogging, because i have to update you guys of what i did last weekend, it was supposed to be a great weekend since i spent it with them Knights, my teammates, but theeeeeeeeeeennnnnn, something spoiled it.

I dont know why i hate her so much, its her attitude really, she's texting with my girl's boyfriend, how the hell am i not pissed of that? and ya ada boyfriend lagi tuu! shissshh. and because of another thing jua, i dont wanna hate sebenarnya, really i dont. maybe she's actually nice once i got to know her? but thats the problem, i dont wanna get to know her. cause everytime i see her face, i just feel like my hand is lighter than ever, i feel like slapping her!

relax, he! soo... i spent my saturday night at coach's and TK with them Knights jua, we went home quite late, where i spent the whole journey home sleeping, i think i snored? haha. then Sunday, us, knights, girls and guys, played touch at indoor stadium, on that big tile thingy next to disney on ice stairs? i dont know what to call it, so i call it this.

i think im just blabbing her. eh wait, i have to mention this! me, Nad and Asyraff, palyed the guitar and sing songs, well i know only one song on the guitar so that was the only song i played and singg :/ tapinya Asyraff and Nad did ajar lagu Mcfly - its all about you. AWETHOME! (Y)

hmmm, apa lagii ahhh,, atuuu! pictures will be uploaded sooooooooonnn. sooo manyyy pictures! im going back to assignments now,

chalo chalo!

because you are my heart,
and because you are my soul,
that i love you so much,
ill give up everything,
to see you happy, thats why,
im giving up, us.
cause i know,
i wont be able to give you,

10 July 2009

Grey's anatomy

and so, i thought i would keep myself busy to get over the whole thing, and so i started reorganizing my file, keeping my room clean as often as possible, finish my assignments on time, revising, watch series, lots of them. And now im back on Grey's anatomy season 1 and 2, im on season 2 now, disc 2. gosh, lying on this bed all day long is making me feel like i dont have a back anymore, HAHA. but i think its juat another symptom of my once a month friend would come visit me soon.

i miss him (: i dont wanna say this, but yes i do miss him. i have another guy to help me get through this but it doesnt seem enough. cause he's always busy working. there's training today, actually as im typing this, but i cant come cause i have no ride, no one can send me to training. which brings me to, "I CANT WAIT TO HAVE MY LICENSE" gosh, even if i do get my license, i wouldnt have any car to drive, i was hoping for mum to agree on buying a second hand cheap car. :D pleease. thats like, on my birthday wish list.

last but not least, i just feel like updating this blog, just cause i want to, it will make my day, (NOT), haha, im gonna go back to Grey's now. And i miss them girls. and him too.

hugs and kisses,

09 July 2009

Benjamin <3


i know i can never have you,
but at least i still wish.

06 July 2009

Back to square one.

My aim from this second is just to forget about my feelings, any of my feelings that i have for this particular boy, haha. We are good now, we had things cleared last night, emphasizing the word bestfriends. Yes, here we are, we both stand, as bestfriends. We had our moments and its over now. We're starting something new, something fresh. As BESTFRIENDS! yes, again, im emphasizing. LOL. i hope ill be ok with it, well i am ok with it now, hehehehhe. i know i can do this.

all i know now is im excited for tomorrow, i cant wait to see them circles, ohhh i miss them so much, i feel like hugging every one of them. so tight! biar sampai lemas. haha, wth am i talking about. snuggles wah i mean, a friendly one, not a corny one. hehe. and i just wish to concentrate more on my studies and rugby as well. and please, i hope this feeling wont get anymore serious, ive had enough tearing up and shits. i wanna smile! I wanna laugh out loud! hehehe.

bah, people, you all gotta help me through this, yes? (:
i gotta get back to studying now, yes, im studying, rusty sudah my brain ani,

a perfectly good heart,