29 June 2009
Posted by
sunshine
at
12:32
This little tiny baby
Was sent from God above
To fill our hearts with happiness
And touch our lives with love
He must have known
We'd give our all
And always do our best
To give our precious baby love
And be grateful and so blessed
i just heard, from a friend, that his baby cousin passed away, he's about 5 years old. i am, a child lover, a baby adorer, it devastates me when i heard about this, knowing that a child that young died. how can the parents live after that? knowing about this alone, made it hard for me to sleep, it keeps me thinking on how would i be handling it, if it were to happen to me one day, here i am, thinking that i have a bad problem and my life suck cause of some lovey dovey feelings, where there are more worst problems like this.
oh gossh, how would i live if i have to let my child go, like that. how can a parent live without the baby mumbling, that gurgly laughs, and giggles, and to cuddle and smell on top of his head which i experienced smell like nothing i can compare, smell of a baby, is the sweetest yet calming scent that can never be match up to anything at all on this earth, nor other planets. i know im in love with babies the first time i saw one, and i get attached to them easily, smile of a baby is precious i tell you, precious.
i really dont want to be in any of the parent shoes, i dont think i can bare losing my child if i were to have one someday, and if i do have some kids, i know ill love them as much as i can love, ill give everything i have to bring them up to be such decent grownups. i will cherish my love to them until i cant love no more, i dont mind if my husband to be cant put up with me, i wont care, as long as i have my kids, shiish, emotional much. i think im gonna damage my keyboard soon if i dont stop crying.
aahh, well. i wish the parents all the luck. and i pray to god, please, let me go first before my loved ones. i cant bare to lose anymore people that i love, i experience too much losses these few years, and i miss them every single day. i just realised that i miss them so much, what an ungrateful girl am i that i dont think of them everyday and doesnt sedekah fatihah to them everyday. i miss my grandpas, especially.
i remember taking care of my grandpa for one whole month that i had to take an early holiday, sleeping at the hospital, feeding him, baring it all when he gets all pissed off. the day he passed away was the day i know everything wont be the same. it was the first day of school. the moment i saw my sister with her tudong picking me up, i knew it was grandpa, i cant bear to face it, i broke down, i cried, i cried all the way to the hospital.
upon arrival at the hospital, there were no more iv attached on grand's hands, that was a bad sign, i knew it. i remembered when he used to bite my hand and tells me that ada jam. that was a joke to us, and i used to want it everytime i come to see him. i remembered sitting on his laps when he did this. he gets mad most of the time, well thats cause he's the greatest grandpa. the moment my mum said "bahh nana," i can see it clearly now, its as if it happened just yesterday, it was hard letting go. i walked slowly to his bed, whispered alfatihah and alikhlas to his ear, i dont really know what to bacakan, and , kiss him for the last time, i paused for so long beside him, i remembered mum or was it my uncle yang asked me to let my little sister go next, i had to let him go.
taking care of him was a bittersweet moments, i got the chance to learn a few words in Belait, and remembered him nodding saying that i was right, giila kalii i miss my grandpa. im missing him too much. i think ill continue this post another time, my eyes wont buka anymore, and i cant breathe well pasal tesumbat hidung due to all this crying :/
Al-Fatihah,
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